Dealing with Doctor’s Staff:
For most of my life I have been in perfect health. Sure there was the polio when I was child, the chronic bronchitis and obesity but I was in good health. At around 30 I started going to a gym and the flab came off and I was fit as a fiddle.
Then I hit 50 and suddenly my blood pressure went through the roof. I was told I was walking time bomb. Then it started. It was one doctor after another and one medication after another. Little did I know then that it was the downward spiral to death that I was heading to… it’s all down hill after 50… you say you’re middle aged but who lives to be 100. 8 people. It’s over, you’re heading for the last round up. Face it. Old age just spit in your eye.
OK, the whole point of this I never had to deal with doctors that much or their staffs that much or insurance companies or the medical field in general. What I have found is that while some doctors are wonderful, most of the staff, (with a few exceptions like Kathy in Dr. Friedman’s office and Dr. Kourshe’s staff and Dr. Churukian’s staff.) most of them are morons. Let me tell you about yesterday.
I asked a friend who her eye doctor was. She told me the doctor’s name…he’s at UCLA and so I called. This is what happened. I am not make a joke. It happened exactly like this. “Welcome to UCLA Eye Clinic if this is an emergency dial 911” OK, if they have to tell us that we deserve to die. “If you are calling about billing press one… if you are calling to make an appointment press two…” etc etc etc.
I press two. SOUND TRACK FROM SOUND OF MUSIC PLAYS. I hear the entire first act. Finally, a live person. “How can I help you?” “I’d like to make an appointment…” “OK I’ll connect you.” SOUND TRACK FROM SOUND OF MUSIC. I hear most of the second act. “Yes, how can I help you?” “I’d like to make an appointment to see Dr. Schwartz.” “Oh this isn’t Dr. Schwartz’s office. I’ll connect you.” SOUND TRACK FROM SOUND OF MUSIC… FIRST ACT AGAIN. “Billing” “I need to make an appointment” “I’ll connect you.” SOUND TRACK FROM SOUND OF FUCKING MUSIC. “How can I help you?” “Is this Dr. Schwartz’s office.” LONG PAUSE like it’s a trick question… “yes” “Can I make an appointment.” “I’ll connect you.” “NO DON’T CONNECT ME… I HATE JULIE ANDREWS.” SOUND OF MUSIC SOUNDTRACK…. THE CARRIE UNDERWOOD VERSION. “How can I help you.” “I’d like to make an appointment “ “Sorry, the office is closed, let me send you voice mail.” I leave a message… three days ago. Has anyone called you? Cause they haven’t called me.
So I get the name of another doctor. I call. I get his appointment person. And I swear to God on my father’s grave this is how it went. “And what’s your name?” “Steve Bluestein” “Spell it” S-T-E-V-E-B-L-U-E-S-T-E-I-N. “Got it… and what’s your first name?” LONG SILENCE ON MY END. Steve. “So it’s Steve stevebluestien?” Me. “Yes, exactly right.”
Fuck em… let them deal with the insurance company.
So here’s what is going on. Doctors do not think their staff is important…so they hire the people who will work for minimum wage and the patients ends up suffering while the doctors spend the first two weeks of June in the South of France.. at their summer place.
Listen to me. I have a solution. DON’T GET OLD… never go to a doctor… eat your spinach… pray for me.
